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The Real Frank Zappa Book by Frank Zappa.

Not so much a memoir as an appealing opportunity to “say stuff in print about tangential subjects” this book is an absolute hoot.  Forthright,  and by turns and hilarious and serious, Zappa is a brilliant host as he intersperses anecdotes from his life with his views on music, musicians, politics, life in general and rock’n’roll. While I only own one Zappa album (Hot Rats), I have encountered lots over the years, being partial to his jazzy infusions.  What always comes over is that for someone obsessed with sex ‘n’ drugs ‘n’ rock’n’roll in his song lyrics, he’s deadly serious about his craft.  I wanted to share a couple of contrasting extracts with you to show the measure of the man (bad language alert!)…

On Conducting an Orchestra:
“From the podium (if the orchestra is playing well), the music sounds so good that if you listen to it, you’ll fuck up. When I’m conducting, I have to force myself not to listen, and think about what I’m doing with my hand and where the cues go.”

In 1975, Zappa ended up in court in London over a thwarted plan to get round the musician’s union rules on pay-scales for recordings with an orchestra, by hiring the Albert Hall for a rehearsal for a concert which was permitted. When one of the orchestra members apparently complained that the lyrics they were playing to were obscene, the concert was cancelled a trial ensued at the Old Bailey. The following excerpt is hilarious (well to me anyway)…

“Q: Then “She painted up her face,” to which objection has been taken. What do you say about that?
A: (Zappa) Well, I think that this is an important piece of material, lyrically.
Q: What is the concept about it?
A: To my knowledge, it is the only song in the repertoire that deals with the subject of a girl who is a groupie.
Q: What is a “groupie“?
A: A “groupie” is a girl who likes people in a rock-and-roll band. She likes them very much.
JUDGE: She likes what very much?
A: She likes “the members” of the band very much.
Q: A sort of fan, like a football fan?
A: Only of “the members.”
Q: Like film stars have fan mails?
A: Yes
JUDGE: I did not gather that. I thought you said that this delt with a girl who was in fact a member of a rock-and-roll band.
Q: No, my Lord.
A: I am sorry: girls who “follow members“.
JUDGE: I.e. a follower?
A: Yes.
Q: A sort of fan.
A: Shall I continue with an analysis of this song?
Q: Please do do.
A: It is the only piece of material that deals with a look of the motivations of the girl. Many groups have done songs about groupies, but coverage of that subject has been superficial and the lyrics to this song represent some kind of landmark in the way in which the subject has been dealt with.
Q: Is it intended as a serious song?
A: Well, I would say it is as serious as anything else I do.”

This was one of those books that had sat in my bookcase for several years, and I only picked it out initially to decide whether to put it in the charity pile. But I started reading and got engrossed. This book’s a keeper! (9/10)

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I bought my copy. To explore further on Amazon UK, please click below:
The Real Frank Zappa Book by Frank Zappa (with Peter Occhiogrosso). Picador pbk, 1989, 352 pages.
Hot Rats CD – 1969

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